Getting Back on Your Feet after a Divorce.

After being married, dealing with “us” becoming “me” can be difficult. Even if your former spouse wasn’t the greatest support system in the world, you likely still took comfort in knowing that you had someone else to help you cope with life’s problems. When you have to start dealing with things alone, it can wear you out mentally and emotionally. The tasks that lie ahead may seem daunting, but you have to remember to take a deep breath and deal with one thing at a time. Believe it or not, ending a bad marriage can actually help you focus more on your own priorities and help you realize that you’re capable of far more than you might believe.

How Divorce Gambles With Your Finances

Child Custody And Divorce

Whatever bad feelings exist between you and your ex shouldn’t affect your judgment when it comes to determining fair child custody rights. Simply put, if your former spouse is a good, responsible parent, then he or she shouldn’t be penalized because your relationship didn’t work out. On the other hand, if he or she has serious issues like alcoholism or a drug problem that could put your child in jeopardy, then you have to do what is best for your child’s welfare. It’s a tough decision to make, but as a parent it is what you have to do.

Try to separate your own feelings from what is best for your child or children. Distance yourself from your own emotional whiplash and think about what is best for your children. Remember that your kids are dealing with their own feelings of loss and try to keep that aspect of your divorce as amiable as possible. On the other hand, if you feel that spending time with your ex will put your children in bad situations, then you have to muster up your courage and make sure they are legally protected from that.

How Divorce Gambles With A Woman’s Finances

Money Management In Divorce

Even if you already dealt with most of the financial aspects of your marriage on your own, it can still be tough to realize that you may be your only means of financial support. It is even more difficult to deal with if your ex ruined your credit or ran up a lot of bills in your name. It’s very easy to get overwhelmed and want to throw in the towel, but explore all your options before you make a drastic decision like filing for bankruptcy. It may seem like an easy way out, but for most people, the consequences outweigh the benefits. Talk to a reputable financial professional before making any drastic decisions.

You are better off to negotiate with your creditors on your own, consult with a debt consolidation professional, or try to balance your budget better so that you can pay off the debts without ruining your credit. In some cases, particularly if you had joint accounts, you may even be able to split those debts with your former spouse. If you’re the one left “holding the bag” because of your ex-husband or ex-wife’s financial irresponsibility, there’s no shame in seeking out professionals that can help you get things back under control.

How Divorce Gambles With Finances Need For Support

Use Support Systems Carefully

Many people inadvertently distance themselves from other people following their divorce because they feel they need to adjust to being on their own. Cutting off your family and friends and isolating yourself is a big mistake. Ending a marriage, even a particularly bad marriage, is emotionally draining. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your nearest and dearest for emotional support. Not everyone will offer the greatest advice in the world, but having people around you will make dealing with your own pain easier.

Remember that people sometimes go overboard trying to help. While it might relieve some stress if you sit around with your friends and bash you ex for a while, too much dwelling in the past isn’t going to help you re-center yourself emotionally. Vent when you need to, but don’t let lose yourself in negativity. Remember you had strength and willpower before you were married and you still have it afterwards. Ask your friends for help when you need a boost, but don’t spend too much time reliving the past.

The Blame Game

You’ve likely heard the expression that hindsight is always 20/20. That may be true, but it’s no reason to beat yourself up over things that are done and over with. No one goes into a marriage expecting bad things to happen, so don’t allow yourself to dwell on what you should or shouldn’t have done. If we all made perfect decisions then it would be a perfect world and life rarely works that way. Learn from your past, but don’t let it become something that drags you down. What you did then isn’t as important as what you do going forward.

Aside from the emotional aspects of blaming yourself for not ending your marriage sooner or allowing your former spouse to keep making bad decisions that affected you, don’t beat yourself up over the financial mistakes you may have made, or that you watched your former spouse make. It’s far better to let go of your guilt and concentrate on what you can do now to fix those previous mistakes. No matter how bad your situation was, you can always recover and move on with your life.

Divorce is often emotionally and financially devastating, but it can also be empowering. You have the opportunity to get control of your life again and not have to pay for someone else’s mistakes. While dealing with the fallout isn’t always easy, most people find that they have more strength and willpower than they ever realized. While you may resent some of the things that your ex did, the important thing to remember is that he or she is no longer part of the equation. Adjusting to doing everything on your own is scary, but it also gives you a new start to finally do things the way you have always wanted to.

About the Author: Tony Standin is a personal finance specialist who knows what it is like to have to bounce back after a difficult divorce. With a little bit of planning, you can definitely live a strong, stable life – financially and otherwise. Divorce doesn’t me destruction.

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HOW WILL I EVER SURVIVE THIS? IT FEELS LIKE HELL!

HOW WILL I MAKE A LIVING NOW?

CAN I CREATE SUCCESS NOW THAT I FAILED IN MARRIAGE?

WHAT ABOUT WORK AND MY BUSINESS? WILL THIS FAILURE INHIBIT ME FROM SUCCESS IN OTHER AREAS?

I am one of many recovering from wounds of a failed marriage. I remember it as clear as day, ‘it’s over, I want a divorce!’ When those words came that Thanksgiving morning, my confidence was completely shattered. For almost 4 yrs., I’ve gone in and out of depression, desperation, and loneliness. But I am also a seeker of revelation knowledge and personal development. If it weren’t for support from others, their confidence in me, and their uniting with me, I may have stayed in the hole forever. I believe that healing is necessary before real strides in personal development can be made. The biggest challenge a personal developer will face is helping those who are wounded see themselves as worthy of success.

Some days, early on, I’d lie in bed in “fear”.

LONLINESS WAS AN EVERYDAY SYMPTOM

Abandoned, rejected, and other “sick” feelings and beliefs were common in my perception. I had no idea of the mess my thinking was in. “Our perception is based on our belief.” The roots of belief about who we are go deep. E.g. The I am a worm perception has it’s roots in a belief that we are not worthy of honor, respect and success.

“Grace” is one explanation of how as if by a miracle, we suddenly understand that we believed a lie about ourselves. I believe it’s the prayers or “beliefs” of those who are “for us”, that produces that “grace”. Many have had that grandmother who always prayed for her family. Perhaps her good thoughts directed toward her future generations had a positive effect.

Negative circumstances can occur with support, confidence and unity as well. Confidence in illness, disease, poverty, manifest as a result. One example is when disease is passed down to generations. We’ve all heard, ‘my family has heart problems, so I guess I will have them too’. Could that belief manifest heart problems in that person? Absolutely! What you put confidence in will manifest, whether positive or negative.

HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS TO THE KIDS? I'LL JUST WORK TILL I DROP!

SOMEONE MUST BELIEVE IN YOUR SUCCESS EVEN IF IT’S JUST YOU!

This is where personal development begins. Without a positive healed mindset, it’s difficult to sustain success. It’s not impossible, but less likely. With an impoverished mindset, the mental game has you sinking in sand. Sadly, you don’t know it. Getting to truth requires changed beliefs about who you are but will place you on a firm foundation.

What we perceive is based on what we believe about who we are. Personal development begins when we get help navigating to the truth and belief that we are honorable, respectable and worthy to have success in our life. Wealthy people have expectations and believe they deserve the best. They usually get it. The only mindset difference between poverty and wealth is belief.

THE ROAD TO RECOVERY BEGINS WITH PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

I am one who has learned to overcome a poor mindset. I’ve learned to abandon the lies and gain the knowledge of the truth. If it weren’t for support from others, their confidence in me, and their uniting with me, I may have stayed in the hole forever. Helping an impoverished thinker see the possibilities is the greatest challenge a personal development coach may face. It may well be the most satisfying he’ll experience. When a person he coaches finally sees themselves as worthy of success, the sky’s the limit.

PS. GET THE MASTERMIND EBOOK” FOR THE PERSONAL POWER OF TEAM BUILDING!

PSS. OR READ HOW TO GET MORE PERSONAL POWER HERE!

Yours In Mastery,